“I say I am so there for I am” the words resound in my head as I cleared dirty glasses and plates from a stained table cloth, which produced a sweet stale smell of meat and wine THAT touch the inner of my nostrils. I am here to destroy; to destroy the evidence I muttered to myself, as cold thick gravy fell through my fingers as I picked up greasy plates and stacked them high with my weakening arms. Here’s someone who chose to do it right, who chose to do it for money, who thought of their future before the future stopped thinking of him. The words stayed in my mind as I cleared his abandoned lunch. I was being accompanied at this point by bleak music bellowing through small tinny speakerphones mounted on white washed walls surrounded by primitive paintings along with bad reproductions of18^th century landscapes.

I remembered being on a school trip aged 9. My entire class stood around me staring at a small drawing I held in my chubby, sweaty, shaking palms. The class had been made to participate in a drawing exercise and on completion of this task my teacher had proclaimed my heavily sketched and awkward picture to be the very best in the class,making every student look in my direction as she pointed out the reasons for why. I felt important for that moment, that day, that week; special even. I had never been made an example of before, not for being good , more for playing the fool; for being the renowned disturber of the peace.

The music played long after the table was cleared and made good for the next swathe of customers. And then I was thoughtfully sure that the composer of the awful composition had dreamed of so much more when he was a young. But time can be a killer for some. I just keep my head. I just keep head above it all. I just keep thinking and thinking of something of something of something more.